Wanting to change in IFS?

Where does wanting to change fit in IFS?

So far I am not satisfied with how IFS explains ‘every daylife’.

To be in relation, the Self also needs to learnt to trust the parts.

To let them do their jobs.

I think pure IFS people would argue then that this is not the Self - but other parts we need to have learn to trust the Self.

But if the Self doesn’t have any agenda, it can’t be impacted then how can this really be an equal relationship?

It’s not.

A part having a strong reaction is not always a sign of needing to be healed.

What? Roselle you’re going to upset a lot of people.

Oh well.

This needs to be said.

Now I get this was training. Training means we usually need to break down and over exaggerate aspects before we can get to nuance.

BUT if we are working with the wrong building blocks then we aren’t going to get the house we want.

Interesting I just had the urge to stop writing and put on lipstick and take selfies.

A part distracting me?

This part?

Ah I’ve lost connection.

That’s ok. That’s a lot. That’s more than I’ve had before.

There will be more.

I mean I feel better. I’ve been able to get things done and move through the day so much better.

But

I know that things haven’t been addressed. So they will come back again.

Relationships are about how you relate.

I don’t relate. Not in that intimate way. Not in that sense of bringing my whole self.

It’s like a test.

When they don’t get it right. She has the right to be angry. The right to feel let down. Justifiably upset that the world is a shitty place. Indignant at how shitty others are as humans.

It proves her right.

But I’m also not exactly sure what it’s right about.

I found myself hovering, pausing, bracing this morning.

Not the pausing and bracing from a place of desperate fear. Or shut down. Or overwhelm.

But from a sense of unknowing. Unfamiliarity.

It’s like sticky glue. Or that feeling of heavy sunscreen on your skin.

Or gum on the bottom of your shoe.

I was feeling so possible last night.

My body talks to me.

Some times I listen.

But mostly I don’t.

Ah, my brain sometimes.

A freudian ramble.

Enter with caution.

I thought, or there was a voice, that told me I would have given up by now.

And it kinda seemed that way for the last week.

Still got my training wheels on.

Ah the voices in my head.

Everything is itchy, sticky, annoying.

My head hurts. My shoulders hurt. I wonder if I’m sitting wrong and that is what is causing it.

It feels like I’ve got mosquitos landing on me. I don’t.

I need to blow my nose.

My arm is itchy.

How very kind of them?!

They do teach us how important team work is.

I’m not going to go out of my way to get her in faster. But I will sit here patiently. I will watch as she approaches.

And when she is close enough to hear me I will invite her to sit.

She is welcome.

Although I do much prefer when she comes through the front door - I can see that coming. She scares the bejesus out of me when she comes in the back door.

But she is welcome.

We can sit for a while.

You don’t want to talk - and I respect that. I just want to say I can see you. I see you trying. I know you’re looking out for me. Come sit beside me and keep watch.

Scrolling.

One hour gone.

A hit of tiredness. A sense of overwhelm. A sense of tears. A busy brain. I want to explode. Have a tantrum almost.

Bed - no other option. Just go to bed. Turn off the alarm.

It’s been a pretty good few days.

Which is somewhat unexpected. It’s day 14 today.

Day 14 of what?